artist — a journey back home

An exploration of light and shadow

One thing I believe most artists have in common is their appreciation of light. As a photographer I quickly discovered the attributes of light, the admiration of light and shadow. The very source of my inspiration was found in fleeting moments where light casted its elegance on various subjects and landscapes. And the lingering shapes created by shadows. Light creates so much emotion and completely controls the feeling of each image. Shadows create drama and depth. Without these two things, art would not be alive.

In 2020 I approached a quiet year in my industry. One that led me to embark on a journey that had been heavy on my heart for many years. The pandemic naturally slowed life down. I witnessed the island of Hawaii shut down and close entry to the outside world. The busy hustle and bustle of tourism came to a stop. The beaches were empty. The ocean and coral was healing. I thought about how beautiful it was to allow the land and sea with no seasons to finally have her season of rest. Living in a land where it’s always summer made me realize how much I truly needed rest myself.

I felt my soul reaching a burnout after being a destination photographer for 10+ years. Over the years I became so aware that I had been pouring my endeavors into everything externally. That my business, my relationships, and even my spirituality all mirrored the obsession I had to a self sacrificing achievement.

I constantly felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride, managing the repercussions of trauma, mental illness, and addiction for those I loved around me. I was trying to create safety and security in everything external, looking to control what I could control. So I could finally feel safe once everything and everyone around me was secure. Since childhood, I saw my achievements as the escape route from my reality. Strategizing and performing well felt like I was finally good enough - and hopefully, safe. I used art as a way to freely express myself and find meaning through my experiences. But over the years my expression became “work” and the only space that felt safe slowly faded into the background. And so, my creative outlet turned into yet another aspect of success and achievement.

I had never been afraid to go inward, to unleash my depth or sit with stirring emotions - but my codependent tendencies felt like a resistance towards honoring myself. Yet much like the hero's journey in any story, there is a time where your soul demands your full attention and the courage to unlock a path to deeper truth and authenticity - a journey back home . I realized the freedom I had been chasing - the feelings of safety and security would not result from anything outside of me. Or from intellectualizing and bypassing my pain, trauma, or emotions. True liberation was found in turning towards my pain. In learning how to make peace with and befriend the parts of myself that I had been conditioned to “fix” and bypass through “healthy outlets.”

I became determined to step aside from my business and reparent myself. I wanted to learn something empowering for my physical health, so I took an herbalism course and connected deeply to the land. I wanted to come home to myself emotionally and learn about my mind, so I dove into the depths of my shadow, confronted trauma that had been repressed, and eventually went back to school for depth and somatic psychology. I wanted to learn something tangible for my creative health and expression so I taught myself the trade of stained glass, delving into another exploration of light. In a sense, this playful dance between light and shadow had been a reflection of my own curiosity towards my psyche in its entirety.

The process has been challenging, fulfilling, awakening, and empowering. It has also been heartbreaking and sacrificing. Yet I feel rejuvenated as an artist. I feel as if I’ve unlearned everything I needed to be in order to discover who I truly am. I almost walked away from being a creative entrepreneur. I knew I would always be an artist, but I didn’t feel I had it in me to capitalize my passion anymore. Yet I chose to confront the resistance I was feeling and heal my business from the inside out.

As a creative entrepreneur, I am so passionate about serving deeper in both my client experience and business coaching / mentorships. Human to human connection is the foundation and core value to my artistry and entrepreneurship. I’ve learned firsthand how a safe community builds connection and contributes to true growth and healing. This is why I facilitate from a place of compassion, honesty, and curiosity. I guide from a place of understanding through my own personal experience and deeply attuned listening. Because I understand how our methods of survival and dysregulation manifest in our craft and in our businesses. I understand the immense opportunity we have in turning towards these obstacles and using our business, our relationships, ultimately our experiences as a mirror into our inner world.

“Let’s liberate our expression, turn wounds into wisdom, and remember our truest creative nature.”

a lETTER to MY fellow artists and creatives:

Being a sensitive and emotive human is a gift. It can feel challenging to navigate a neurotypical society as an artist when our artistic expression has most likely been the most intimate and safest corner of our lives. When we present this intimate expression to the world, it can even feel terrifying. Yet I have learned that behind every form of resistance is growth. The very challenge of being an entrepreneur can be an opportunity to grow as an artist, if we lean into the process. My business presented a trigger that I was able to use as a mirror to my own deeper healing. And this is my holistic approach as an integrative coach. Rather than rearranging things in life with mindset hacks or surface work, we go deeper into the unconscious to explore what is manifesting itself externally in your business. We work through the challenges and resistance that keeps you stuck. Every artist has the ability to connect deeply to their authentic self and from this place, there is no creative blocks. Only flow.

Your medium allows you to breathe your freedom and express things that sometimes cannot be said. This is your power. No one can do what you can do how you do it.

There is a human, a soul, behind every small and creative business. And it is my passion to empower you to preserve yours.

See you on the other side,

xx Cece

holistic business coach & mentor